Queer Immersion, by Mollie Balland

Queer Immersion Paper

I attended the Coming Out Stories event hosted by the QSA at Regis for National Coming Out Day yesterday. It was held at the Ranger Den which was a small and comfortable setting to have a conversation on the importance of embracing an identity. I found that a common theme that seemed to be important to many was that coming out “isn’t a big deal but it is." It seemed as though that many found comfort in claiming their identity but also felt as though “coming out” only feels necessary because of heteronormative views and expectations in our society. I found myself reflecting on my own heteronormative privilege because I do often expect that people that I am close with disclose their sexuality to me if it isn’t straight. If I do not expect someone who is straight to express that they are straight to me, then maybe I shouldn’t expect that anyone has to express their sexual orientation to me at all. Although, I have come to believe that I should not expect a coming out story from any queer person, I would like to encourage queer people to come out, not to me, but just in general. The LGBTQA+ community has been oppressed and discriminated against for far too long. Maybe more queer visibility will lead to more queer power and ability to change the heteronormative system.

            During the coming out stories there was some talk around I only came out at this time because I didn’t feel my sexuality was key to my identity. Or when I came out I made it clear that this doesn’t change who I am. As a straight person this sounded a little strange to me at first, I guess I had just assumed that queer people would want to come out because they have less visibility. I began to realize that it is my own heteronormative nature that makes it so queer people have less visibility because I continue to uphold the societal standards of what is “normal” and forget to make room for what is outside that box. I realized that I need to be conscious of making assumptions because if I make assumptions then I forget about all the diverse communities that make up the world.  I read a Washington Post Opinion piece by Matthew H. Birkhold that further discusses this idea. Birkhold asks the readers to reverse their heteronormative values and imagine a coming out day that only applies to straight people. He says, “Or imagine we assume everyone is gay. Oct. 11 could be a day for straight people to announce their sexuality. Until he comes out, casually ask your neighbor's son if he has a boyfriend. Nudge him and point out the cute boys in the neighborhood. I suspect your neighbor's son will not be pleased, assuming he's straight. The reaction is understandable. Having one's sexuality mistaken is alienating and destructive to one's sense of self.”  (https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/its-time-to(-end-national-coming-out-day/2017/10/10/a9db94ec-ad2b-11e7-9e58-e6288544af98_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.407faf7663dc) This idea emphasizes that when we hold onto what we consider to be the norm then we isolate and devalue another’s existence. When I was in the Coming Out Stories event I got to put real life examples into the picture of how a heteronormative narrative can affect others. Being able to see this bigger picture made it so I could put faces and names to why I need to be more conscious of my heteronormative privilege.

            Although, I have come to better understand why many feel as though they don’t need to come out, I also realize just how important it is for queer visibility and affirmation. During the Coming Out Stories event there was talk around how queer people hardly hold positions of power and have little influence in our current world. There was talk about how even though there are new laws that protect the LGBTQA+ community, like the legalization of gay marriage, there is still a long way to go in the fight for queer justice. Examples of how to this day high school teachers are still being fired for being openly gay were brought up. Everyone seemed to agree that there wasn’t enough happening to create policy that protects and gives power to queer people. Because of this conversation I have come to believe that it is important for queer people to continue to come out until heteronormativity becomes less of the accepted value of society. After being a part of this conversation, reading our class readings, and observing what I see in the mainstream media, I think that “queerness” needs to be discussed more often. I am not saying that queer people need to come out so they alone can advocate for their right to justice. But if queer people continue to come out then it normalizes queerness because it shows that different sexual orientations are not “unnatural perversions” held by a small community t just a reality of our society. In the conversation yesterday, I learned just how much of a comfort it is for queer people to embrace their identity and how important it is for me to affirm this. I realize that sexual orientation is not just what happens in the bedroom but also interacts with an individual’s social life and no individual should feel as though they have to be closeted in their social life. In Rupp’s A Desired Past conclusion she says, “Over time, ‘sodomites,’ ‘queers,’ ‘fairies,’ and ‘bulldoggers,’ became ‘homosexuals,’ ‘gay men,’ and ‘lesbians’ as individuals not only claimed labels for themselves but began to gather with others like them and assert their right to live and love openly.” (197) This quote shows just how powerful it is for many small niches to come together to create a community and refuse to go away. Overall, at yesterday’s event I learned that I need to be conscious of my own privilege and I need to practice being an ally to the LGBTQA+ community. I also learned that there is hope to hang on to that more queer visibility can lead to more queer influence and power.