Toxic Masculinity: A Conversation That We Need to Have (Critical Reflection #1)

On September 12 I attended a talk hosted by Byron Hurt on Toxic Masculinity. This talk discussed what Toxic Masculinity is and how it affects men across college campuses. Toxic Masculinity is how defending a man’s masculinity can actually hurt himself and others around him. This can come in many forms, but one that is talked about the most is the “man box”. The man box is filled with expectations from society of what a man should be. This includes words like, “tough”, “protector”, “breadwinner”, etc. Toxic Masculinity is when these expectations start to have a negative effect on their lives. This can include isolation, having a lack of communication and solid friendship, etc. During this talk Hurt had the audience participate by mostly yelling out examples of things like what go in the man box. What I noticed was that women were more willing than the men to participate without prompt. Women were usually the one to get the ball rolling and then after some encouraging, some men would contribute. What I also noticed was that anytime a man would throw something out without prompt, groups of men would snicker. It’s not clear on whether this was meant in a mean way or in a condescending way, but one can assume this would disencourage other men to speak up during this talk.

Toxic Masculinity has been in history for as long as we can remember. Donald E. Hall in his book, “Queer Theories”, explains how there’s been sexual activity between men since the ancient Greeks. Young boys would have to drink the semen of an older man to be initiated into manhood (38). In that time this was something normalized with the culture. At that time they wouldn’t have described it as queer, but in today’s society that is something that would be considered queer because it doesn’t fit in today’s societal expectations. As much as it may not seem like toxic masculinity, it is because of the expectation behind it. A central theme behind toxic masculinity is how it’s teaching young boys, and even older men, how to “be a man”. This is problematic because if boys are taught how they need to act as men, if they don’t fit that mold then they are seen as something wrong with them. This can lead to consequences such as isolation and bullying. To be told you have to drink semen to be a man is also clearly unsafe. As much as they might not have known at the time, this is something that could have lead to HIV or other STD spreading.

Toxic Masculinity is something that everyone is affected by. Women are affected everyday by things like relationship violence, which is caused by how men see themselves in the eyes of toxic masculinity. Men see that to be considered a man they have to be tough, violent, and sex motivated. This can lead to things like rape and relationship violence because they feel they need to prove themselves to the men population. As a women and gender studies major I feel that this conversation needs to be had more because men need to see the issue when it involves them directly. It may be an uncomfortable conversation but that’s the whole point of having it, is that it needs to be done to make a change.